Networking is a completely novel idea for me – I’d become accustomed to writing my name on small scraps of paper when asked for a business card. I’ve had business cards before, but never really found the need to carry them with me – they typically would end up scattered between my car seats and were more a nuisance than anything else. Even now, I’m sure I can find at least five cards hidden between my seats.
My promotion has resulted in networking becoming a HUGE part of my daily life. Considering my wallflower tendencies, this has proven quite risky. I’m working on a list of networking tips for wallflowers such as myself as I become more skilled at personal introductions (I’m measuring this success based on the number of cards passed out and received from others…yes, I’m nerdy like that, always collecting data).
I’ve held a variety of human service positions throughout the (small) community I live in for almost 10 years. People seem to remember my face – that glimmer of recognition in their eyes gives me hope – but never my name. Which is okay because I am absolutely terrible at names and have no idea their names either. So, we’re even.
Social skills are not my strong suit – I have zero filter in new situations and my mouth moves far to quickly for my brain to say “WAIT! THAT’S GONNA SOUND WEIRD!” Luckily, most find this endearing.
I attended a community event over the weekend and was busily setting up my little networking table. Because marketing signs apparently require a degree in mechanics (which apparently everyone else had except me), I was able to introduce myself to those around me by asking for help. They were supportive; they could tell it was my first time. I think when I spilt my coffee all over the CARPETED floor, I further solidified their view of me as a newbie.
I made my way around the room, perusing the other tables and handing out my business cards (I challenged myself to 20 cards that day). Suddenly, I hear:
“It’s been so long! How are you?” – This was said in a very overly excited tone by another networker looking right at me. Oh, he was directing it to me.
“I have never seen you before in my life” – Yes folks, this was my response to someone that obviously had seen me before. I didn’t even skip a beat; there wasn’t a pause for polite feigned attempts at recognition – I immediately said this following his question. And not in a haughty bitch way but in a matter-of-fact, deadpan way.
Yes, I realized the complete error of letting those words out immediately.
Apparently though, he really remembered me – he could cite off my name, where I had worked and the freaking year. Yeah, the freaking year he had met me…7 years ago. People’s memories are amazing. He also remembered that I’m terrible at remembering people and made sure to highlight this character flaw of mine by pointedly stating that I never remembered his name, or face, 7 years ago either. We shared a chuckle as I passed him a business card.
At some point in your life, someone is going to walk up to you and know your name and some other detail of your life while you awkwardly shuffle your feet and run through every social encounter over the past 10 years trying to place their face.
So the question then becomes, what do you want people to remember you for?
We all have values – characteristics and traits that we hold dear to us: honesty, transparency, justice, equality, social connections – identifying your personal values is imperative to demonstrate them.
We demonstrate our values through our actions; not our words. I value social connections, however, my lack of commitment to remembering people’s names goes against this value – which means, I am going to have to start making efforts to change this flaw.
My partner also works in human services. Early on in our relationship, like the first month or so early on, he brought home a values checklist that he wanted us each to complete. While at the time, I wasn’t gung-ho on the activity, I must admit that it did give me a deeper understanding of his own actions and where they stem from.
Even if you don’t have a willing partner for this activity, I encourage you to try it for yourself.
Here are the steps:
- Identify your top 10 values from this list
- Now, narrow it down to your top 5.
- Finally, if you could only choose 1, which would it be?
Share your results in the comments! Mine is awareness (bet you wouldn’t have guessed that!).
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Glimmers of Silver 